I usually take it as a compliment when my father tells me I’m thinking too much. Every time my mother gives her patented, almost practiced to perfection, ‘follow your heart speech’, I’d be lying to you if I said I was convinced more than a fraction, even a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the time.
I guess that makes me stubborn, or a pretty lousy son at any rate. But that’s just it, I wasn’t always like this.
When I was in the eighth grade, like essentially every American adolescent conceived sometime after 1989, my parents got a divorce. Granted, to say that I wasn’t exactly dumbfounded by this gaping development in my life would be an understatement; but it wasn’t like it just happened overnight. All the same, the aftermath of their split left quite the imprint on my middle-childhood development. Before the split, like most children growing up in central Ohio (where there’s really nothing better for accomplished adults in their 30’s to do but raise a happy family) my parents were actively involved in my life and in my judgments. I knew that every dumb mistake I made and every gold star I got would be taken in and sized in the hands and supervision of my parents. They were like my social barometer, my life-management supervisors. As late as my early teens, I could always count on my decision supervision database that was “mom and dad” to reinforce my own values, that I guess were yet to be identified.
Then, all of the sudden, I had this unforeseen culture shock. My parents, my crutches, were suddenly separated from my limp stature. I was forced to not only recognize that I had never truly learned how to stand on my own two feet, but more, to actually learn how to be “self-reliant”. All of the sudden, it became very clear to me just how much of a sheep I was. From one day to the next I could face hellish scrutiny or delighted appraisal for the same act, thought, opinion, state of mind, sense of humor, everything was suddenly under review but in a different light than before. I was suddenly thrusted into an odd circumstance; I had to stop being a bystander in the midst of my decision making. It was either that, or face inevitable hesitancy that would haunt me for the rest of my days. By the time I was a sophomore in High School, I had finally made the transition to a self-governing, independent, man-boy taking almost every opinion with a grain of salt and a hint of reserve. I’m not saying I had it all figured out at 16, I’m saying I had finally learned that I was the one who needed to figure everything out for myself.
And while I still possess the same amount of confliction, indecision, and hesitation as the next clueless, 20 year old caffeine addict, I know that the end trails of my life would support the makings of Emerson and Thorough. Yet I admit, the line between independence and self-righteousness remains thin, and this observation can compromise the general reception of this concept of self-government. It’s no secret that the appeal of nonconformity holds within it the baggage of certain impulses, impulses that resist and even deprecate the interpretation of our neighbors.
Oh by the way....this is my feeble attempt at a youtube post. So not looking cool but it is applicable to the topic at hand. The other is hilarious.
I guess that makes me stubborn, or a pretty lousy son at any rate. But that’s just it, I wasn’t always like this.
When I was in the eighth grade, like essentially every American adolescent conceived sometime after 1989, my parents got a divorce. Granted, to say that I wasn’t exactly dumbfounded by this gaping development in my life would be an understatement; but it wasn’t like it just happened overnight. All the same, the aftermath of their split left quite the imprint on my middle-childhood development. Before the split, like most children growing up in central Ohio (where there’s really nothing better for accomplished adults in their 30’s to do but raise a happy family) my parents were actively involved in my life and in my judgments. I knew that every dumb mistake I made and every gold star I got would be taken in and sized in the hands and supervision of my parents. They were like my social barometer, my life-management supervisors. As late as my early teens, I could always count on my decision supervision database that was “mom and dad” to reinforce my own values, that I guess were yet to be identified.
Then, all of the sudden, I had this unforeseen culture shock. My parents, my crutches, were suddenly separated from my limp stature. I was forced to not only recognize that I had never truly learned how to stand on my own two feet, but more, to actually learn how to be “self-reliant”. All of the sudden, it became very clear to me just how much of a sheep I was. From one day to the next I could face hellish scrutiny or delighted appraisal for the same act, thought, opinion, state of mind, sense of humor, everything was suddenly under review but in a different light than before. I was suddenly thrusted into an odd circumstance; I had to stop being a bystander in the midst of my decision making. It was either that, or face inevitable hesitancy that would haunt me for the rest of my days. By the time I was a sophomore in High School, I had finally made the transition to a self-governing, independent, man-boy taking almost every opinion with a grain of salt and a hint of reserve. I’m not saying I had it all figured out at 16, I’m saying I had finally learned that I was the one who needed to figure everything out for myself.
And while I still possess the same amount of confliction, indecision, and hesitation as the next clueless, 20 year old caffeine addict, I know that the end trails of my life would support the makings of Emerson and Thorough. Yet I admit, the line between independence and self-righteousness remains thin, and this observation can compromise the general reception of this concept of self-government. It’s no secret that the appeal of nonconformity holds within it the baggage of certain impulses, impulses that resist and even deprecate the interpretation of our neighbors.
Oh by the way....this is my feeble attempt at a youtube post. So not looking cool but it is applicable to the topic at hand. The other is hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccenFp_3kq8
“I hope in these days we have heard the last of conformity and consistency. A great man is coming to eat at my house. I do not wish to please him: I wish that he should wish to please me. I will stand here for humanity, and though I would make it kind, I would make it true.” (p. 1169)
“I hope in these days we have heard the last of conformity and consistency. A great man is coming to eat at my house. I do not wish to please him: I wish that he should wish to please me. I will stand here for humanity, and though I would make it kind, I would make it true.” (p. 1169)
But let’s be honest with ourselves, one of the main influences for our impulse to either conform, or resist conformity, is a direct side-effect of our struggle to formulate lasting opinions, and stable value systems. Trying to hold on to my thoughts from one minute to the next is a lot like catching fire flies in the dark. Notions: they’ll shimmer for a second and then fade away; but it’s never just one thought, it’s several of them and they all flicker at different points in time.
Emerson acknowledges this struggle to remain consistent and how it plays into conformist and nonconformist ideologies. Not only does he acknowledge this struggle, he completely dismantles it as a necessity for finding self-satisfaction, “With consistency, a great should has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall.” (p. 1174).
This lack of concern for formulating consistent ideas, dependable interpretations for the conflicts life bestows on us, brings us to some of the discussions we shared in class regarding intuition, what it is, and how often we depend on it as a guide. It seems that because our notions are so variable and under revision, emotional response to life’s circumstances seem to be the most dependable- at least from my own personal experience- given that there is nothing for us to compare an impulse to. The only component that can damage an intuition is a thought. A feeling is a feeling in its truest form, yet it seems that thoughts can vary.
Ultimately, Self Reliance is a work that questions the struggle to find that common ground between intuition and presumption, impulse and preparation. But I would argue that as long as we acknowledge that this struggle and this balance exists we’ll never veer too far from ourselves and our promise for ultimate autonomy.
Emerson acknowledges this struggle to remain consistent and how it plays into conformist and nonconformist ideologies. Not only does he acknowledge this struggle, he completely dismantles it as a necessity for finding self-satisfaction, “With consistency, a great should has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall.” (p. 1174).
This lack of concern for formulating consistent ideas, dependable interpretations for the conflicts life bestows on us, brings us to some of the discussions we shared in class regarding intuition, what it is, and how often we depend on it as a guide. It seems that because our notions are so variable and under revision, emotional response to life’s circumstances seem to be the most dependable- at least from my own personal experience- given that there is nothing for us to compare an impulse to. The only component that can damage an intuition is a thought. A feeling is a feeling in its truest form, yet it seems that thoughts can vary.
Ultimately, Self Reliance is a work that questions the struggle to find that common ground between intuition and presumption, impulse and preparation. But I would argue that as long as we acknowledge that this struggle and this balance exists we’ll never veer too far from ourselves and our promise for ultimate autonomy.
Good analogies and I agree. We all either conform or resist conformity. But isn't resistance now just another form of conformity? My suggestion is that we all evolve and embrace conformity so as not to conform to the nonconformist form, but keep our nonconformist hearts. Then, while everyone thinks that we are conforming to the norm, we can all rely on our own individual selves and keep that nonconformist spirit! Right?
ReplyDeleteI agree as well. I think it's hard to break free and not look like you know everything though. It takes alotta guts to be the one to say "I'm going to stand by myself and walk my own path" Because you are calling attention to yourself and in doing so, are bringing the scrutiny. So ya, it's easy for people to confuse self-reliance and self-righteousness.
ReplyDelete:)